Tuesday, August 4, 2009


There's very little warning. A harbinger might be the quick rush of hot blood up the back of my neck, but even that's too quick to really be a fair warning, an allusion to what terrible thing will come. After the blood rush comes a swirling sensation in the brain that spurs crossed eyes and a loss of balance. If it happens when I'm walking the floor seems to rise up before me and I see my shoes against tile, carpet, asphalt, grass--it happens anywhere. Then I see whatever may be to the right and left and, once something that appears to be solid falls into my viewing field I grasp for it and white knuckle it until the sensation passes, until the brain stops swinging like a pendulum, hitting the sides of my skull in a way that only increases the massive blood flow that is already swallowing my head, blocking out sound, exacerbating the thick perspiration that has formed on my back, neck and forehead.

The sensation I speak of is vertigo. I've had severe bouts of it lately and it has really interfered with my life, especially my creative life. I spend all day merely trying to survive work, feeling my muscles constantly braced for when the imaginary axis threading through my body abruptly tilts a few degrees. Hence I come home exhausted, shelving the book I am working on and the Inkwell Alley projects I would like to do for yet another tomorrow. But I am a fighter--I type with a slight feeling of imbalance right now. Perhaps it will also alleviate my frustration if I can realize that even when something seems to only take, it also gives. Vertigo has put a clamp on my sense of well being for now, but it has also given me a new sensation that I can use in creative writing.
Trying to cling to the silver lining,

image courtesy of flickr.com


  1. vertigo is never good! maybe someone should go to a doc!
    hope you feel better soon!

  2. I used to suffer from this as well! Doctors could never explain it except that it might be an inner ear "problem" probably a virus. Completely unhelpful. Mine stopped when I slowed my life down, got more sleep and more water. Hope you feel better soon!! xoxo Anne-Marie (your twitter pal dinahsfriends)

  3. Definitely see a doctor, because you never know how serious the cause may be. Ideally, it is merely BPPV and a quick visit to a physical therapist will return your balance. I've lived with vertigo for nearly three years and have learned ways of overcoming the condition. My condition is incurable and all I can do is learn new ways of being, of moving, and of interpreting the signals that the floor beneath my feet is not solid.

    And it has compromised my creativity as well because sitting at a computer for any length of time exacerbates my condition. However, I also composed a chapbook called "Vertigo Verses."

    Please see a doctor and feel free to contact me if you have any questions or want to know what I do to help me listen to my feet and not the signals in my brain. I wish you healing and wellness soon.

  4. I guess I should tell you how to email me if I want you to get in touch with me. Sorry about that.

    satia62 at aim dot com

  5. It's an interesting trait for one of your characters, if you ever write that novel. Of course, in real life I really wish that you overcome that thing. Hope your doctor's appointment goes well. Take care.

  6. Oh this must really be challenging to live with! I have a friend who gets it when they have a cold & thier sinuses & inner ears are 'stuffed up'. Maybe a decongestant can help you, but please see a doctor. Vertigo could be a symptom of something else going on. I'm afraid of heights...so when I'm up on a ladder or something I get a feeling I could fling myself off...thank goodness it's only a feeling & I don't actually do it!..but it makes me better relate to your problem. I'm sending you good juju that it gets better!


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