He Says, She Says

It's funny how when one person (my husband) says one thing and it means nothing but another person (just about any outside reader) says the same exact thing and it means everything. Suddenly all is right with the world--you have confidence, the future is bright, the load is lighter, the road is paved. Unfortunately, as a writer, it's so much about receiving good feedback from the right people, that is, my readers, editors, publishers, agents and my mom. I know, my mom, right? It's like, 'Which word doesn't belong?' It's kind of random that I would have my mom in there (and over my husband at that, 'sorry robert!'), but the fact is, when a highly critical person who has no qualms calling a spade comments deeply and sincerely on your work, it's beyond sustaining.

Anyway, in a sense I guess it's normal to crave feedback because if people don't like what you write, it's going to be a challenge to do what I want, which is reach into readers' chests, grab their hearts and mold it such that it opens the floodgates for emotions, ideas and perspectives that the reader hasn't considered or has been afraid to confront for whatever dark reason. But on the other hand I need to be develop a maverick's swagger with my pen. I need to go for it and not care what people think. People can and will loathe what I write, but that doesn't mean it didn't need to be written. I've received an awful lot of rejection from agents, editors but I can't give up. My psyche depends on entering the realm of the published, where authors flip the freshly printed pages of their books under their noses.

I'm not sure how to conclude this blog entry. I like everything I write to be precisely packaged. But maybe this time I'll let go and just leave you with this thought, the anticipation that the next time I blog I will be a maverick. I will take off the perfectionist hat and let everything and anything on the tip of my brain explode onto the page. And I think it will be quite refreshing for everyone.